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Keeping solicitors out of your life
Keeping the phone handy can be an easy excuse for magazine pushers
By Moryt Milo
My neighborhood attracts a fair number of solicitors. Most of them fall into three basic categories. The doorbell ringer, who always shows up at dinnertime; the paper dropper, who leaves endless ads for pizza, maid service and real estate on my doorknob; and the driveway tosser, who continually tosses out little packages of pebbles bundled in colorful paper ads.
All of this can be a bit maddening. Yet I'm sure most of us simply respond by tossing the ads, ignoring the doorbell, and adding the pebbles to the rest of the rocks in our yard. But sometimes they catch us.
The only type of solicitor that usually catches us is the dreaded doorbell ringer. But over the course of time, I've become pretty adept at eliminating this intrusion.
Usually, I don't answer the door, but there are situations when I have to respond. This tends to happen when I leave the garage door open.
It's an unfortunate habit--and a big time proclamation that tells everyone passing by, "Hey check it out; someone is home!" That's when they come.
Obviously, I have no choice, or the solicitor would think the house is empty and some idiot forgot to close her door. They also might assume the owner is in the backyard and didn't hear the ringer.
Either way, they could decide that this is a great opportunity to check out my unwitting garage sale. I'm sure my kids wouldn't appreciate coming home to discover their bikes or Rollerblades missing. So I'm trapped.
Once I realize it's someone I don't know, this is the drill: I pick up my phone and go to the door talking away. (Of course, no one's on the line). I look the solicitor straight in the eye while I tell the phantom on the phone, "Hold on a sec, someone's at the door." Then I say, "Sorry, I'm on a long distance call, I can't talk to you right now."
The person at the door usually smiles, nods and says in a very apologetic voice, "Sorry I didn't mean to disturb you." Then they turn to leave. I immediately close the front door, the garage door and any other door that's opened or unlocked.
This is my fail-safe method. But sometimes I get caught in the garage and can't use my phone prop. That's when I go to Plan B, which is predetermined by who's at the door.
If it's someone selling magazines--those folks bug me the most--then I cut them off before they can go into their script and I say, "You're selling magazines, right?"
They always smile and reply, "Yes."
Then I add, "Well, the last time I did this I got ripped off. And I've just renewed all my subscriptions. Sorry, I'm not interested."
Granted, it's a bit harsh, like guerrilla warfare. But it works.
This basic idea also works with the folks who show up for "causes."
I actually support many of these causes, but I just don't like being pressured. So, I've got that problem solved, too. When they tell me who they are I tell them I'm already a member and contribute on a regular basis. End of conversation. Then they're gone.
That leaves the ballot seekers. Everyone knows these endless signature collectors. But I've got that one all worked out, too. My reply is simple: "I already signed it at Target."
Everyone in the valley knows that anyone with a cause usually is in front of Target.
I used to get strange folks coming to my door, like roofers offering free inspections. I haven't seen them in ages. I'm sure I owe this to either El Niño or the remodeling boom.
However, I still get exterminators who want to get rid of all my bugs while I'm eating dinner. But I'm into things organic, so the only thing that kills is my appetite.
After reading this, it may sound like solicitors come to my door all the time. But that isn't really the case. I just like to plan ahead, making sure my home remains totally private.
Plus, I figure that with all the mega-malls and Costco-size stores out there, the dreaded doorbell ringer by now should have discovered the mother lode of opportunity.
So if you find yourself getting caught as you exit the store, take comfort in knowing you can just keep walking to your car and drive away. And if you want to play it real safe, grab your cell phone as you walk out the automatic doors and just start talking.
Campbell resident Moryt Milo is a freelance writer whose column appears every other week in this space. Contact Moryt at morytb@aol.com
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Campbell, California
