Uh, wait a minute ... better make that tomorrow ... I have some serious snacking to do today.

Because today happens to be the best day of the year for watching football— and how can anyone watch football without snacks and beverages? That said, who in the world makes New Year's resolutions that don't include eating right, losing some weight and getting into shape? And the bottom line is that the two—the football/snacking thing and the New Year's resolutions—just don't go together.

So I won't be making any resolutions today. In fact, I'm not making any resolutions for 2003. Hey, why should I? After all, every resolution I've ever made on Jan. 1 I've broken by Jan. 15 (and most of them even sooner than that).

What's more, my resolutions are always the same­get more exercise, and knock off a few pounds. It's not that both wouldn't be good for me, it's just that ... well, I figure what's the use?

Hey, I've been playing the same old resolution tunes for so long that my first pronouncements were recorded on 8-track tape.

So instead of falling back into that trap again, I've decided that this is the year for no resolutions. And I informed the boys of my decision on New Year's Eve.

"I don't want to make the same ol' resolutions again this year," I announced to the boys somewhere between the Liberty Bowl bean dip and the Peach Bowl bite-size pizzas.

"That's good," sniped the youngest, "because it would take you 'til May to dig out the treadmill."

"Very funny," I snapped. "No, I mean it. This year I want to do something more important than just make some silly resolution that I know I won't keep."

"Well, just think," the oldest chimed in. "If you actually did go on a diet, it might end world hunger forever. Imagine how many doughnuts we could send to Third World countries."

"I'm serious," I said. "Maybe I could do something really fulfilling ... like finish writing that novel I started."

"Hey, we'd be happy if you just finished cleaning the garage," cracked the oldest.

"You guys are just hilarious," I cried. "And you wonder why I don't make any resolutions! Every time I do, someone just makes fun of me."

"And here I thought it was because of that year when you resolved to start a weight lifting program and hurt yourself after only a day," laughed the youngest.

"I strained a muscle!" I said.

"You mean, you found a muscle!" he laughed.

"That's it," I said. "I resolve to never make resolutions again. I don't keep them, I just get ridiculed for making them. So I'm just not going to subject myself to that kind of abuse any longer."

"Yeah, well it really wouldn't hurt you to get a little more exercise," advised the oldest. "That daily walk to the sidewalk to get the morning newspaper probably isn't quite enough."

"And you could stand to drop a few pounds," added the youngest.

Well, you know what. I think I am going to break my short-lived non-resolution resolution already, because I have a new one I'd like to make. I resolve to someday be just as perfect as my two sons.

And that's a resolution I know can keep without doing a darn thing!