Here's the scenario: You arrive with your wife for an anniversary dinner at your favorite chi-chi restaurant. As you are being seated you inform your server that you have brought a special bottle of wine to share on this occasion. Your server squints his eyes and puckers his lips and calls for the sommelier. When she arrives she lets you know that under normal circumstances patrons are not allowed to bring their own wine, but she will make an exception for you (it is your anniversary) and charge you a $50 corkage fee.

It seems with the recent increase in the number of diners bringing their own wine to enjoy at their local eateries, some restaurants are beginning to push back. In New York City corkage fees over $40 are becoming commonplace. At the French Laundry in Napa the posted corkage fee is $50 per bottle, and at Gary Danko's in San Francisco the corkage is $25, and you can only bring two bottles. And there are some restaurants that forbid altogether the practice of bringing your own wine.

On one hand, restaurant-goers need to understand that 30 percent or more of a restaurant's profits come from alcohol sales. And since the server should provide the same high level of service whether it is your bottle or theirs, his effort is deserving of compensation. So a corkage fee is a perfectly reasonable policy for any restaurant.

On the other hand, restaurant managers need to accept the fact that many diners have a wine cellar or some level of wine collection at home. The corkage policy should be within reasonable norms for the area and the level of restaurant. Punitive policies will ultimately result in the loss of customers and a tainted reputation. These days a corkage fee from $10 to $20 is very common in the South Bay and should be considered reasonable.

Bringing your own wine to a restaurant is often a good decision. It can save you money and give you greater freedom of choice. But if you want to be welcomed back to your favorite eatery, you should follow these commonsense guidelines:

Know and respect their policies, which means when you call for reservations inquire about their corkage policy. Don't argue or negotiate about the fee. If it's too high, eat somewhere else or leave your bottle at home.

Know their wine list. It's considered rude to bring a bottle of wine that is on a restaurant list already. If you aren't familiar with the restaurant's list, call ahead and ask.

Share the good stuff. Most servers and kitchen staff are very appreciative of the opportunity to taste a great bottle of wine. Offering to share your wine goes a long way.

Remember to tip accordingly, keeping your server happy. Wine is generally a big percentage of the total bill; please keep this in mind when you calculate the tip. If you are planning on coming back to the establishment, remember your tipping reputation may precede you.

Don't hesitate to ask for the "good" glasses. If you are paying a premium to enjoy your own wine, you should expect the same level of service afforded to those who purchase off their list. If your server doesn't offer you crystal, you should ask for it.

Buy from their list also. A general rule of thumb in the industry is that you should also purchase from the restaurant list during your dinner. This could mean starting with a glass of wine from their by-the-glass list or ending the meal with the purchase of dessert wines. If your party is large enough to enjoy multiple bottles of wine during your dinner, you should purchase one bottle of wine from the list for each bottle you bring. If you are a home winemaker or in the wine business, bringing an extra bottle for the staff is a great way to say thank you.

Bring premium wines. It makes no sense at all to pay a $15 corkage fee to open a bottle worth $5. If you do the math using a $20 corkage fee, you would want to bring a wine worth $30 or more for it to make sense. Use this formula to figure it out: wine cost plus corkage fee should equal less than twice the wine list cost. If it doesn't, it probably makes more sense to buy something from their list.

A little bit of common sense and a big dose of consideration on both sides of the table will go a long way to keep diner/server relationships mutually satisfying. If you find a restaurant that's corkage friendly, be sure to let them know how much you appreciate this, and don't forget to tell all your friends to patronize the establishment. Word of mouth is the very best and most precious advertising.

Cara Finn is the owner of The Grapevine, a fine wine and cheese store and tasting bar. She can be reached at 408.293.7574 or at info@grapevine-wg.com.