We've watched the movie about a dozen times or so ... so many times, in fact, that we know many of the lines by heart. And I was reminded of one of them recently when state Assemblyman Joe Simitian, D-Palo Alto, pushed through state Assembly Bill 45 in this third attempt. That's the bill that would make it a crime to drive a car while using a hand-held cell phone.

In the movie, Sydney Ellen Wade admonished President Shepherd by saying, "Congratulations. It has only taken you three years to put together crime prevention legislation that has no hope of preventing crime!"

That's funny. I feel the same way about AB 45.

Oh, don't get me wrong. It's sexy legislation. And Assemblyman Simitian will no doubt get a lot of political points for bringing it up. But it's just another opportunity for our state legislature to enact a law that's totally unenforceable. It's cell phone legislation that has no hope of preventing cell phone use in cars.

And why do we want to? There are people doing things on our freeways that are much more dangerous than talking on the phone while driving. And the last thing I want to see happen is that we turn the Highway Patrol into the phone police.

And quite frankly, with our state in so much trouble in other areas, it seems to me that the last thing Simitian and the rest of the Assembly needs to worry about is whether or not I'm calling home from my car to find out what's for dinner!

I suppose the question is, why is talking on the phone that dangerous? Is it any more distracting to talk on the cell phone than it is to change the CD, to hold that morning cup of coffee, or to turn to check out the 2-year-old in the car seat? And that guy coming out of the McDonald's drive-through with the Egg McMuffin, hash browns and coffee ... exactly where do we think he's going?

You know, I'm far less concerned about the lady checking her messages than I am with the guy crawling up my tailpipe because he doesn't think that my 75 mph is fast enough for the fast lane. Or the gal touching up her makeup in the rear-view mirror while cruising along at 70. Or the guy on the motorcyle cutting between two lanes of heavy traffic because we're only doing 45.

People do all kinds of things behind the wheel when they obviously should be concentrating on their driving. I've seen a guy playing his guitar while steering with his knees, and I just saw a guy reading a magazine that he had propped up in his steering wheel. Heck, I've even been known to let cruise control take over while I jot down a few thoughts for this column each week.

Now, there are definitely places where we shouldn't use our cell phones:

• Like in a movie theater. There's nothing more annoying than watching a movie reach its climax, only to have a cell phone ring just as Ben Afleck goes to plant a big smooch on Sandra Bullock.

• Then there's the guy at the restaurant whose phone invariably rings somewhere between the salad and the lamb chops because he's obviously so gosh-darned important that he can't even stop for dinner. That's infuriating.

• And how about those people who take their cell phones to a baseball game at the Oakland Coliseum, and then call someone else in the ballpark. "Yeah, we're right over here ... no behind the third base dugout ... no, up about 15 rows ... um, about eight seats in ... next to the ... yeah, here we are!" Then they jump up and down waving wildly because they've located someone else in the ballpark, but completely missed Eric Chavez's two-run double. Now that's stupid.

• But the one I saw recently at Pac Bell Park was the worst ever. A guy answered his cell while standing in the line in the men's room, then proceeded to make plans for the evening while the rest of us were ... well, you get the picture. That's just plain weird!

Almost makes using a cell phone in the car seem normal, huh?

So what's the problem? Only one hand on the wheel? Sorry, hardly anyone drives with two hands anymore. Distracting? Yeah, and fumbling for a CD isn't? And why would it be any less distracting talking on a cell phone with a hands-free device? That would be perfectly legal.

A cell phone in the car is as much of a distraction as we allow it to be, and we should all use good judgment behind the wheel no matter what the situation.

But do we need legislation to make that happen? I don't think so. And furthermore, I think our legislators should spend their time on more important issues.

Like President Shepherd said, "We have serious problems to solve, and we need serious people to solve them."

Well, I'd go on, but I've got to go ... my cell phone is ringing, and I've got to change lanes.

Want to talk? Call me at 408.354.3110, ext. 31, or drop me a note at dsparrer@svcn.com.