Dear Santa,

It's been a long time since my last letter to you. I hope you still have my old letters on file—they're the ones way in the back of the file drawer ... the yellow, brittle ones ... yeah, from the 1950s.

I know that you're busy right now filling the orders for all the little ones. You're makin' a list, checkin' it twice. You know who's been naughty ... well, you get the idea. And I know adults are not really your priority this time of year—but I figured hey, it's worth a shot.

So this is what I want for Christmas:

Please bring us peace on earth. Please bring an end to homelessness. Please end the suffering of our fellow man. Aw, heck, please bring me a flat-screen TV!

I know, I know ... we should be thinking of others during this special season. But let's be serious. You may be able to do something easy like make reindeer fly or travel around the world in a single evening, but get real—you're only human, and you're no Dr. Phil!

So you'll never pull off world peace, and sadly homelessness and suffering will continue. But a flat-screen TV? Yeah, you might be able to pull that one off.

Thanks in advance for your kind consideration of my request, and have a safe trip.

Sincerely,

Dick Sparrer

I was inspired to write to Saint Nick by the second-graders who shared their letters to him with us. They were asking for everything from peace in the Middle East to new puppies and kittens. And they're counting on the jolly old elf to deliver.

But in between their requests for Bratz Dolls and Xboxes, they asked some very penetrating questions and offered some very insightful thoughts. I felt compelled to respond to some of them:

"What should I leave you on Christmas?"

Well, they say cookies and milk are his favorites, but when we were kids, Santa always requested a salami sandwich and a glass of beer. Judging by the way he looks these days, though, maybe rice cakes and a Diet Pepsi would be best.

"Should I leave you gingerbread cookies?"

Gingerbread is nice, but it's not quite chocolate, now is it.

"I sure hope you like chocolate chip cookies because that's what kind of food I will put out for you."

That's more like it.

"Maybe I could leave you white chocolate fudge cookies?"

Now you're talkin'!

"How do you squeeze through my chimney?"

After a few million gingerbread, chocolate chip and white chocolate fudge cookies, it would have to be with a jackhammer!

"Do you want me to leave carrots for your reindeer?"

Maybe the carrots should be for Santa, huh?

"What should I leave for the reindeer?"

I hear they like baked beans. That should keep Comet Blitzen!

"What if your reindeer run out of gas?"

From where Santa sits, gas is the last thing he wants in his reindeer!

"How do you make reindeer fly?"

It's magic.

"For Christmas, can you please make it snow at Los Gatos?"

Not even Santa has that much magic!

"I want my own Toys 'R Us."

I'm sure your parents do, too.

"How is it at the mall?"

Fine, as long as he keeps Mrs. Claus out of Nordstrom.

"Please, please, please do not get hit by a plane!"

At least until he clears North American air space.

"Why do you come down the chimney? Why don't you come in the door?"

The door? The door! Now there's a novel concept.

"Can we meet some time on Christmas Eve?"

Well, it's a pretty busy night ...

"How do you make all the toys in one year?"

With a little bit of help from his little friends.

"I want to know how you get around the whole world in one night."

American Express ... don't leave gnomes without it!

"Will you make people clean up litter?"

What a nice thought.

"I want the war in Iraq to stop."

Don't we all.

"I would like you to bring my toys to the homeless shelter."

What about you?

"I hope you give the poor people presents."

But what about you?

"I want people who are helpless to have presents on Christmas morning because I care."

That's homeless, Resha, and I care, too.

"I believe in you, Santa."

You know, Jessica, I do, too.

Want to talk? Call me at 408.354.3110, ext. 31, or drop me a note at dsparrer@svcn.com.