There are just no sports worth watching from Super Bowl Sunday through March Madness, with the possible exception of the occasional highlights coming out of spring training.

And if your wife is anything like mine, she sees this period not as a temporary sports-watching lull, but as an opportunity.

"Great," she says each year about this time, "then this would be a perfect time for you to do the garage clean-up you've been putting off for eight months."

Then it just gets worse.

"Oh, and Saturday you can paint the downstairs bathroom, then go with me when I go shopping for a couple of new bedroom lamps. Hmmm, I think I could use a new pair of shoes, too.

"And then on Sunday we can go spend the day with my mother."

But because of the Olympics this winter I can say, "Oh, dear, you know I'd love to ... but you wouldn't want me to miss the skeleton, would you?"

Actually, I really don't want to miss the skeleton. You've heard of this one, right? It's a little like the luge, but it looks a lot more dangerous. The competitor lays face down on this sled and flies headfirst down that little ice tunnel. Sounds pretty exciting ... I can hardly wait. Uh, but please don't tell my wife the finals were last Friday!

The great thing about the Olympics is that there are events on TV every day. So whatever plans my wife might have for me ... well, I have a built-in excuse. Hey, it's better than football!.

If not for the Olympics:

* I would have no excuse not to the mow the lawn on Sunday.

("Honey, I would mow the lawn, but highlights of the Nordic Combined are coming on in a few minutes, and you know how important that is to me."

"Nordic Combined? Exactly what is Nordic Combined?"

"Uh, um ... oh, you know ... skiing stuff.")

* I might have been watching Grey's Anatomy last Sunday night instead of the bobsled finals and the curling prelims.

* We could have been dining with her mother at the senior center two weekends ago instead of watching a bunch of guys out shooting guns in the snow--no, it wasn't the Olympic biathlon ... it was the vice president and his hunting pals.

* And I could be painting the bathroom this weekend instead of watching ice hockey and the closing ceremonies.

Actually, my wife is a pretty big Olympics fan, too. It provides her one chance every four years to watch figure skating without anyone complaining. Well, maybe there's a little complaining.

"I don't care if it is the Olympics, I'm not watching figure skating!" said my oldest son the other night. "I'll see you guys later." And with that, he headed out the front door.

OK, so I'm not exactly a figure skating fan either, but if I know what's good for me, I'll just grin and bear it ... or I'll find myself rearranging living room furniture on Saturday instead of watching the men's two-man bobsled competition. Because if I skip a few events, she may discover I'm not as committed to the Games as I claim to be.

"So are you just going to sit around watching every minute of the Olympics?" asked my wife.

"Sure," I said. "It only comes around every four years, and it only lasts a couple of weeks.

"Anyway, it's educational," I added. "When I was watching the snowboarders in the men's half-pipe, they explained what the word amplitude meant. I have to admit I'd never heard of it before. But those snowboarders were getting some pretty impressive amplitude!"

She wasn't impressed with my newfound snowboarding knowledge.

"If you sit around here for two weeks eating snacks and watching the Olympics," she said, "you're amplitude will be pretty impressive, too.

"Oh, and by the way," she added, "next weekend, you're mine!"

Why do I think that's not a good thing?

Want to talk? Give me a call at 408.354.3110, or write to dsparrer@community-newspapers.com.